I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Randomize
