listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
