Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
