This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
