You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
