By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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