who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
