You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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