I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
