Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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