don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
