listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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