if i can run in heels then i can drive
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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