His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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