i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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