So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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