I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
