she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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