Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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