Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do vagina's smell?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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