so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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