Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
