i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
