Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
