even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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