I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
