I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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