So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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