Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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