Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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