So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
