On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
