i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
