I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
