She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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