Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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