question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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