I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We have so much sex to catch up on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
