I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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