everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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