he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
