just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
