even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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