i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
