He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want to make out with him forever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize