i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
