Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
