Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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