I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
