It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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