You're completely useless in the revolution.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
