i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
