I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
