its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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