I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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