I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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