some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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