Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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