Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
