There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
