Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
