if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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