Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
