I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
