miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
