dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
